I honestly can not say how, why, or when I fully began believing in Him - but I am thankful that it happened. I was raised Catholic. We went to confession each Saturday afternoon, Catholic church on Sunday mornings (on an empty stomach as we needed to receive the Eucharist/communion without food - that I guess has changed), and weekly CCD*.
As a teenager, I also taught CCD. My little brother, Jason, was an altar boy. My mom went to church each morning, but we only went on Sundays. To be honest, I went to these things because I had to, not because I believed. My mother is a Benedictine Sister (Nun) in Chicago. She had always wanted to be a nun, she attended an all girls Catholic school - where she lives today. She just had a 30 year life, raising seven children, before she actually went!
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| St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church Wilmette, Illinois |
Anyone raised Catholic will relate to all I've said above, and others just may not understand...but it is my religious foundation. As an adult, I disagreed with many of the Catholic beliefs. I didn't understand why the Pope wouldn't allow birth control - when some families struggled to feed the children they had. I didn't like going to confession and telling the priest my sins - when I knew THEY HAD committed terrible sins against small boys.
With that said, even though I don't believe all the teachings of the church, it is still comfortable for me. But when I longed to know God deeper, I didn't feel that that was the place for me. I tried other types of churches, but I still didn't fit in.
I read the bible a few times, I've taken numerous classes on the subject - I did really enjoy the new and old testament classes I took at DBU (Dallas Baptist University)...
I realized then that I could have a daily relationship with God without a church. I really didn't care for organized religion - I found that I was more spiritual than religious. Although, I'd like to point out - I have nothing against those who feel drawn to church, or organized religion - it just isn't where I am these days.
When I lost my daughter, Katrina, in a sudden car accident - I was so angry with God. But I kept talking to Him! So much pain there...but HE kept reminding me that he was with me...most likely carrying me - as one of my favorite poems suggests, "Footprints in the Sand".
I do admit I thoroughly enjoy conversations about religion. I love hearing what people think and WHY they believe what they believe. I read a great book that described the 8 largest religions in the world - how they were different - and ended with discussing how they were all very similar. Need to remember what the name was...I'd like to read it again.
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| St. Joseph Saint Joseph Catholic Church Wilmette, IL |
When you lose someone you really can't afford to lose - you tend to lose your mind - or find your God. I never lost Him, I just was - and I guess still am a little angry with Him. I've learned a lot in the past 2 1/2 years without her. My spiritual beliefs haven't changed - they have just grown.
Galatians 4:14
and though my condition was a trial to you, you, did not scorn or despise me, but received me as an angel of God, as Christ Jesus.
I know I will be greeted my by daughter, Katrina Ashley, when its my time - but in the meantime I keep learning, reading, and growing while I am here.
God Bless you and your family...remember when you feel alone - He is there - you just have to talk to Him.
Kathy
CCD* - Catholics version of Sunday school. I just looked up the meaning of CCD - Confraternity of Christian Doctrine - Roman Catholic religious education for children.
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